Made in Heaven

Breslov Teachings on the Sanctity of Marriage
By Rabbi David Sears

Notwithstanding his emphasis on joy in Divine service, Rebbe Nachman was an ascetic who taught his Chasidim how to master and ultimately overcome their physical desires. At the same time, however, Rebbe Nachman emphatically stressed the holiness of the marital relationship. This is in keeping with the well-known teaching of the Zohar: "A man without a woman is half a person, and the Divine Presence does not rest upon him."[1] Only when two such lost "lost halves" recombine can human beings attain spiritual wholeness.

This is why Judaism is not a monastic religion. True, there are countless levels of purification for which we must strive in our quest to come closer to God. However, the bottom line is: marriage.

Thus, the Torah describes how "God saw that it was not good for man to dwell alone" (Genesis 2:18), and therefore separated Eve from Adam's back in order to provide him with a mate. The Midrash tells us that as soon as the first man and woman stood face to face, the Creator brought them under the chuppah (wedding canopy) and performed their wedding ceremony in the Garden of Eden.[2]

Rebbe Nachman states that marriage is the most basic level of tikkun habris (rectification of the covenant).[3] Only within the channels of the marital relationship can human sexuality fulfill its divinely appointed purpose: to bring children into the world - and, in a mystical sense, to recapitulate the primal unity of Adam and Eve. This is accomplished by elevating the male-female relationship from the realm of the profane, and approaching it as a gift from God.[4] Marriage is not merely a concession to our physical urges. In the words of King Solomon, "He who finds a wife finds good" (Proverbs 18:22). Indeed, the Zohar observes: "When a couple loves each other, even if they dwell in a market of tanners it will seem to them like a market of spices that contains all the beautiful fragrances in the world."[5]

On a deeper level, marriage alludes to the ultimate unity of God and His Creation, the knowledge of which will be revealed in the Messianic Age. Of this most intimate and exclusive relationship, the prophet states: "You shall call Me 'my Husband,' and you shall no longer call Me 'my Master'" (Hosea 2:18).

Thus, we can understand why shalom bayis, peace in the home, is so important. A peaceful home enables us to hear an echo of the peace and harmony that Adam and Eve and all creatures originally knew in the Garden of Eden. And it is a foretaste of the universal peace of the World to Come.

Reb Noson mentions one of Rebbe Nachman's remarks about the importance of cultivating such a beneficial emotional climate in our homes, and guarding it against any negative influence: It had become fairly common for marriage relationships to degenerate and result in separation and divorce. One of the Chasidim once spoke to the Rebbe about this. The Rebbe said: "This is the work of the Evil One. He works very hard to destroy the family life of young people, in order to trap them in his net, heaven forbid. The Evil One lies in wait for them while they are young, working to harm their family life. He destroys their marriages with all sorts of trickery."[6]

Of course, shalom bayis depends on many factors: faith in God, dedication to Torah, tzedakah (charity), and chesed (deeds of kindness). It also requires mutual respect, compassion, and good will. [7]

The necessity of these qualities is underscored by another teaching preserved by Reb Noson:[8] The Rebbe often warned us to honor and respect our wives. He said, "Women have much anguish from their children. They suffer in pregnancy and childbirth, and then have the troubles of raising their children. This is in addition to the many other areas in which they suffer for you. You should take this into consideration and honor and respect your wives." Moreover, the Talmud teaches us, "Honor your wives that you may have wealth."[9] It also states, "It is enough for us that they raise our children..."[10]

Our sages state that during the Temple period, the spirit of prophecy came into the world through the space between the K'ruvim, the two golden male and female angelic forms that hovered over the Ark of the Covenant in the Holy of Holies.[11] This teaches us that when a marriage is built on the foundations of Torah, the home becomes a miniature Holy Temple. The dedication of each spouse to the other, whether concerning life and death issues or commonplace needs, is analogous to the embrace of the K'ruvim. The home becomes filled with peace. Then God's silent voice can be heard.

In these sacred precincts, both partners receive the sublime capacity to know each other - and in so doing, to know God.

[1] Zohar III, 109b, 296a. Similarly there is a Talmudic principle that ishto k'gufo, "a man's wife is like his very body," Menachos 93b, et al.

[2] Bereishis Rabba 8:13; also cf. Zohar I, 49a.

[3] Likkutei Moharan 11:5, II, 32; Sichos HaRan 86.

[4] This, too, is why the Torah forbids sexual relations outside of marriage. However, non-Jews are not restricted to the same degree as Jews; see R. Yirmeyahu Bindman, The Seven Colors of the Rainbow (Resource Publications 1995), ch. 7. We profess our gratitude to God for these restrictions with a separate blessing at the beginning of the traditional Jewish marriage ceremony. The officiating rabbi recites: "Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has commanded us concerning the arayos, forbidden relationships…" The ceremony concludes with the Seven Blessings that allude to the mystical aspects of marriage.

[5] Zohar III, 115b.

[6] Sichos HaRan 263.

[7] Zohar I, 13b.

[8] Sichos HaRan 264.

[9] Baba Metzia 59a. That is, a man's wealth primarily depends not on his cleverness or active efforts, but the spiritual merit of his wife; see Likkutei Moharan II, 5:3, citing Tikkunei Zohar, Hakdama. Also cf. Zohar III, 52a; Tikkunei Zohar, Tikkun 69, 101a.

[10] Yevamos 63a.

[11] Rashi on Numbers 7:89.